A manual sex guide for Muslim women, really? How?
On July 1st, an e-book The Muslimah Sex Manual: A Halal Guide to Mind Blowing Sex was released in paperback. The title is provocative. In its introduction, Umm Muladhat, author of the book, explains the following:
“Two years ago, I was congratulating a young Muslimah on her engagement. She was thrilled about starting married life and you could see the happiness emanating from her as everyone gave her their best wishes.
“A few months later, I could tell something was wrong.
“After some cajoling, she shyly admitted the truth. Her sex life was horrible. In fact, it was fast becoming non-existent. She had been a model Muslimah her entire life. Before marriage, she had never so much as held a non-mahram’s hand, let alone become physically intimate with one. She had eagerly looked forward to marriage as a chance to finally indulging in all the physical intimacy she had postponed for the sake of Allah. But it wasn’t working.
“Coming from the medical field, she knew all the relevant biology. She could draw and label all the parts of male and female anatomy. She had taken fiqh classes and knew the legal rulings of menstruation and intercourse.
“But she didn’t know sex.
“Oh, she knew the mechanics. Insert penis into vagina. Climax. Withdraw. But she didn’t know how to make her husband yearn for her in bed. She didn’t know what he liked. She didn’t even know what she liked! They had begun eagerly but after a few weeks, realized that neither of them was truly enjoying having sex with each other.
“And so began my impromptu sex skills workshop. I threw at her all the information I’d gathered over years of marriage. Things I’d learned from experience, tidbits I’d gleaned from friends, tips I’d picked up from magazine articles. One thing here, two things there. All those bits had accumulated into a very healthy and robust sex life between me and my husband. I gave her everything, fervently hoping that it would help her in her marital life.
“A month later, I saw her again. This time she had a gigantic smile on her face. “Please, write this down and share it with other Muslim girls. No one teaches this. We’re thrown into marriage and only know the fiqh and the biology.” I wrote down everything I told her on a Word document and emailed it to her. She shared it with her friends who were newly married. They shared it with their friends. Before long, word trickled back to me that people were asking me to write a book on the subject. So here it is.”
Muladhat wants to explain sex to Muslim women who are beginning to educate themselves about sex and sexually.
Below, there is a quick except on The Muslimah Sex Manual: A Halal Guide to Mind Blowing Sex
Start by making eye contact with your husband. Give him a small smile and a light touch before beginning the actual kiss. Maybe put your hand on his face or touch his leg. Make him anticipate the kiss.
Begin slowly and gently. You don’t want to rush into the kiss and bump teeth. Start with a kiss on the lips. Tilt your head to the side so that you don’t bump noses. When your lips meet, slowly squeeze his lips into yours.
After a while, you can morph this into a French kiss. Do this by slowly opening your mouth wider until you can put your tongue into his mouth and touch his tongue. Use your tongue. Tease him with light flicks. Go back and forth into each other’s mouths. Trace the edge of his lips with the tip of your tongue. Explore his mouth! Feel his gums and teeth with your tongue. Make sure to give him opportunity to reciprocate.
Don’t just kiss on the lips. He has other kissable parts too! Work on his neck and collarbone. Bite, but gently. Nibble his earlobe or neck. Maybe his bottom lip. If you’re adventurous, give him a hickey. Kiss his neck with a slightly open mouth. Suck in the skin. This will leave a mark so be careful where you do it!
Remember, a kiss is more than just your mouth. Use your hands. Don’t leave your hands limp in front of you or on your lap. Explore your husband’s body. Put your arms around his neck. Touch his arms. Run your hands down his back or chest. Run your fingers through his hair and massage his scalp. His body is exclusively yours for the rest of your marriage! Explore the goods!
Safe words are big in BDSM. This should be something other than “stop” or “no” because those words might be part of your role play where you’re just pretending to struggle against him. A good safe word to use is red/yellow/green. Think about it like traffic lights. Red means you need to stop. Yellow means you don’t need to stop but he should slow down. Green is to assure him to keep going. If you’re gagged, you should have some alternative to a stop word. This could be holding something in your hand that you drop to indicate you want to stop.
Start slow when you begin exploring BDSM. Very slow. Begin by just trying one thing and just that one. Then add in another. Don’t try too much at once. For example, let’s say you want to try getting blindfolded and getting whipped. Don’t try both together at first. Pick one. Let him spank you with a whip one time. Then, the next time, add in the blindfold. It might not seem like much but BDSM can quickly get overwhelming so take things slowly.”
We are very interested in learning more about what she had to say about sex and sexuality. Please stay tuned until we publish our reviews and interviews with Muladhat.