The content for this post is intended for adults.
Parental control is advised and necessitated.
The Muslimah Sex Manual: A Halal Guide to Mind Blowing Sex took me pleasantly by surprise. It was the first time I had read a book about sex in which I couldn’t find pictures or any explicit yet patronizing explanations. Umm Muladhat, the author, was very clear about her intentions – she wanted to explain sex and intimacy to young newly-married Muslim women who didn’t have much experience in sex and eroticism.
The book is thin; there are no page numbers and the cover simply contains a benign unattractive rose flower. However, as soon as I opened the first page of the main section, I was confronted with the words, “Myth 1: A pure Muslim can’t be dirty in bed.” A few paragraphs down, I knew I was in for a wild and amazing ride.
Why write a halal sex book for Muslim women?
On her Amazon page, the author explained her intention for writing the book:
“Two years ago, I was congratulating a young Muslimah on her engagement. She was thrilled about starting married life and you could see the happiness emanating from her as everyone gave her their best wishes.
A few months later, I could tell something was wrong.
After some cajoling, she shyly admitted the truth. Her sex life was horrible. In fact, it was fast becoming non-existent. She had been a model Muslimah her entire life. Before marriage, she had never so much as held a non-mahram’s hand, let alone become physically intimate with one. She had eagerly looked forward to marriage as a chance to finally indulging in all the physical intimacy she had postponed for the sake of Allah.
But it wasn’t working.
Coming from the medical field, she knew all the relevant biology. She could draw and label all the parts of male and female anatomy. She had taken fiqh classes and knew the legal rulings of menstruation and intercourse.
But she didn’t know sex.
Oh, she knew the mechanics. Insert penis into vagina. Climax. Withdraw. But she didn’t know how to make her husband yearn for her in bed. She didn’t know what he liked. She didn’t even know what she liked! They had begun eagerly but after a few weeks, realized that neither of them was truly enjoying having sex with each other.
First and foremost, keep context in mind! Dirty talk is when you’re feeling lusty.
And so began my impromptu sex skills workshop. I threw at her all the information I’d gathered over years of marriage. Things I’d learned from experience, tidbits I’d gleaned from friends, tips I’d picked up from magazine articles. One thing here, two things there. All those bits had accumulated into a very healthy and robust sex life between me and my husband. I gave her everything, fervently hoping that it would help her in her marital life.
A month later, I saw her again. This time she had a gigantic smile on her face. ‘Please, write this down and share it with other Muslim girls. No one teaches this. We’re thrown into marriage and only know the fiqh and the biology.’
I wrote down everything I told her on a Word document and emailed it to her. She shared it with her friends who were newly married. They shared it with their friends. Before long, word trickled back to me that people were asking me to write a book on the subject.”
The need for a halal Sex manual
For years, the media, movies, books and editorial pieces have suggested that Muslim women are oppressed, dull, uninterested in physical pleasure, or incapable of enjoying sex or intimacy. We have limited titles on the subject of sexual pleasure among Muslim women.
Once, one of my friends asked me whether women in Iran took off their clothes before showering. I felt so ashamed about how the media portrays women in Muslim-majority countries. Learning that there was a book out there about sexual pleasure for Muslim women was a relief.
The book stays within certain parameters meaningful to Muslim communities, including a focus on marital relationships among heterosexual couples, discouragement of flirting with other men, as well as BDSM, and others.
In general, I think the book is written with a particular audience in mind – a Muslim woman who is loyal to her husband and wants to learn how to enjoy sex.
Here are a few passages of the book that I enjoyed reading:
“First and foremost, keep context in mind! Dirty talk is when you’re feeling lusty. It is not something to introduce when you two are a in cuddly, romantic move. If your husband kisses you on the forehead, look you in the eyes, and then says “I love you,” do NOT respond with “I love you too. Now drill my pussy with your rock hard dick.” Talk dirty when you and your husband are in a carefree mood, having fun, maybe flirting. Not when he’s telling you that you’re the love of his life.
Here are a few examples to use:
If you’re really shy, you can start out with a simple text:
‘Looking forward to you coming home today. I have a feeling we’re going to have some fun!’
‘When you get home, don’t be surprised if I’m not wearing clothes.’
‘I can’t focus at work! I keep thinking about your body and what I want to do with it!’
Things to say when you are outside home and want to build up the sexual tension:
‘I want to rip your clothes right now.’
‘You look so sexy in that shirt.’
When you get started talking dirty, here are few beginning sentences:
‘Mmm, baby, that feels soooo good now.’
“‘I am SO wet right now.’
Kick it up a notch:
‘I love riding you like this.’
‘It’s so hot when you pin me down like this.’”
Flirting with other men
“This should be a no-brainer, but women who get their marital advice from pop-magazines and pseudo-psychology sources may have heard the popular refrain that “flirting with other sisters actually improves your relationship.” No, no, no! If your husband has even a shred of gheerah, this is only going to distance him from you and possible lead to divorce.
Never, ever play get-even games by flirting or letting men give you attention. You’ll find this tip in superficial girlie magazines. It might even work for some women in the short term, getting their husband to pay attention to them out of jealousy. In the long term, it breaks down the relationship.”
I would recommend this book to women who want to improve their relationships with their husbands in bed. There are many practical tips and advice in the book that readers may find useful.
Here is the list of subjects the author discusses:
Who is this book for?
5 Myths about Muslim sex
The anatomy of male and female genitalia
Body image issues
Dressing up (lingerie, role play)
How to give a hand job
How to give a massage
How to do a strip-tease
How to give a blowjob
Your first time
Lying on your stomach
Lying on your back
What to say during halal sex
How to be a freak in bed
Forced sex fantasies
The simple things